A Post I Never Wanted To Write

This is a post I never wanted to write. 

But a week ago last Thursday evening, my momma went to be with Jesus.

It was unexpected and sudden, and it has turned my world upside down.

Some days I handle it well, and others, I don't.

I just miss her like crazy and I'm not sure yet if this pain inside me, this feeling like someone has kicked me in the gut, will ever go away.

And I wonder when I won't think about it every second of the day.

Because I do.

Even when I'm having a good moment or something funny happens, it's always there.

And my pain isn't about her, because I know she's loving her life in heaven. 

It's about me, and how much my life has changed, and how much I want my momma back.

She was funny, and sweet, and knew me like no one else. 

And I wish you could have known her. 

I spoke about her at the memorial service last week, and I want to share it with you, too.

Most of those of you here today knew my mom, and knew her wonderful spirit.  You knew how giving she could be, how funny and silly she was, and how much she loved her friends and family.

But some of you may not have known her, or at least not in a personal way.  And today, I want to share a few things about my mom that I think you ought to know.

First, my mom was a great cook.  That may be obvious from looking at her family, as we enjoyed the fruits of her labor more than anyone.  But if you ever had the pleasure of tasting her fudge, her homemade pies, or her fried chicken, then you knew what food made with love tasted like.

My mom was also a world class bargain hunter.  In fact, she taught me the art of haggling.  If you were at a garage sale and someone was asking 25 cents, she was sure to get it for 10. 

My mom loved Lifetime movies.  She could spend an entire day in her recliner watching them.  Often, she would tell me that her life could be a Lifetime movie and we’d wonder what the name of it would be.  Something dramatic like, Breaking through into Light: A Story of Hope.

My mom also enjoyed traveling.  She never made it to Paris, or Italy or Hawaii, but just to be in the car driving to Gatlinburg, or Myrtle Beach or Pennsylvania was just fine with her.  It wasn’t just about the destination for my mom.  It was about the experience, and the people she was with.

One thing probably everyone knew about my mom was how much she loved her grandchildren.  They called her Mimi, and her favorite thing was to spoil them like crazy.  It wasn’t uncommon for us to leave our kids with her for a short time, only to return and find out that they had been given ice cream, cookies, juice, and muffins.  And after that, they had dessert.

My mom also loved animals.  In fact, they had several pets over the years.  She only ever actually adopted one herself.  The others all came from my sister, Ro, who has a talent for adopting pets that somehow always found themselves in the full time care of my mother.

Another thing my mom was great at was sticking her foot in her mouth.  She always meant well, but somehow, she had a knack for saying exactly the wrong thing.  For example, when my best friend, Debbie, came to tell my mom she was getting married, my mom congratulated her, and then went on to say, “You know your kids are gonna have red hair, right?”  As her fiancé was standing there.  With his red hair.

But the thing I would want you to know most about my mom is how strong her faith was.  My mom was the person who taught me about Jesus and His love for me.  She taught me that His love was greater than anything.  It was what gave her strength when she felt like life was too hard.  It was what carried her when she felt too weak.  It was her truth when life became confusing.  And it was the foundation on which everything else in her life was built on.

And I am so grateful that my momma passed that love on to me.  That she encouraged me to find my own faith in Christ.  Because not only does that faith provide comfort in my suffering now, but it gives me hope for the future.   

Because I know Christ, and have given my life to Him, I KNOW I will see my mom again.  I can celebrate her life today, because I know that her life continues. Right at this moment, she is living in the presence of Jesus, and that is beyond anything this world could offer. I can rejoice and be glad, because for us, this is not an ending, but a momentary separation.  We will be together one day. And after that, we will never have to know separation again.

Until then, momma, may you dance for your King, may you sing your Heaven Song, and may you delight in His glorious riches!

Even now to read it, it just seems unreal.  But it is real.  This is my new reality.

So, for now, as I try to adjust to this new life, and try to get back into a "normal" schedule, I will probably be inconsistent, at best, on this blog.

I know I won't be posting at all this week.

But I hope that you'll pray for me, and my family. 

And hopefully, sooner rather than later, I will be sharing the fun things in life again.