Confessions Of An Angry Momma, Part 3

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Here is my own, personal, Angry Mom story:

I wanted children more than anything. I truly believed that my life wouldn't be complete until I had therm.

I prayed for them, and when I had them, I was over the moon in love with them.

And don't get me wrong, I still am.

But let me be honest and say that there was so much I didn't plan for or expect.

Like no sleep, (those who know me, know I don't fare well with little sleep), constant complaining and whining, kids that bite and scream, and the constant feeling that you aren't doing a good enough job.

Those are just a few of the million things that I hadn't considered.

And before I knew it, I was pretty much angry all the time.  Oh sure, I loved my kids like crazy, and not all days were bad.  But there was this underlying rage that was just under the surface and at a moment's notice, it would show up.

It came in the form of yelling, of nagging, of being short tempered, and sometimes being just plain ugly to my kids and husband.

But did anyone else know?  Not really.

Because of course I could never admit that this was anger. 

No, I gave it socially acceptable names like, "my kid's are having a rough day", and "we are working on discipline", and "I'm PMSing.".

Never would I have said, "I'm angry and I don't know why and I can't stop."

That would have meant that I was a bad person...a bad mom.

Not true.  But I didn't know it at the time.  All I could do was be angry, and then feel guilty that I was so angry.

But then something happened.

There was a little boy that was dealing with some serious health issues.  We knew of him because my husband worked with his parents.  I followed his story, and prayed for him to get better.  But he didn't.

And about 2 years ago, that little boy passed away.

I didn't even know the boy, or his family, personally, but I was broken for them.  I cried as I thought of what they were going through and for how that mother's heart must be breaking.  And I could literally feel an ache inside of me when I wondered how they would go on.

And one day, soon after he passed, as I was getting ready to explode on one of my children, I just thought of that momma.

What would she give to have her son back for just one more day?  Even if he was being cranky and disobedient.  Even if he spent his entire day whining and crying and never letting her have a second to herself.  What would she give?

Probably everything.

And in that moment, I knew I had to change.  I knew that I never wanted to regret a single second with these precious gifts.  I knew that I had been allowing anger to rule me and that it had to stop.  I knew it was all on me.

So I looked for answers.  I looked inside my heart, I prayed, and I read.  I spoke with friends, and shared my anger, and I got wise council.

And here's what I discovered:

First, I discovered that my kids don't make me complete.

Shocking, I know!

But seriously, our kids can't complete us.  They can't be the definition of who we are.  Remember when I said above that I felt like my life would be incomplete if I didn't have kids?  I believed that, but it wasn't true.

Am I glad I have children?  More than I could ever say!  But could I have had a "complete" life without them?  Yes!  It isn't our child's job to "complete" us.  And it's not your spouse's either.  I believe that the only person that can complete us is God, and if you are looking for it anywhere else, you'll just continue to find disappointment.

The second thing I learned is that I'm not perfect, and I don't have to pretend to be!

I think that is why so many moms are afraid to admit that they have anger issues, (or any other issues for that matter), because they are terrified that someone will think we aren't #1 Mom like our coffee mug says. 

Newsflash: No one is #1 Mom.  It's a lie!

Here's a little secret:

If you come to my house unannounced, you will find dirty dishes in the sink, a filthy bathroom, clothes piled high in the dirty laundry basket, and complete disorganization.  My kids are probably screaming, homework is late, and dinner may be from Taco Bell that night.

I'm not perfect.  And I'm okay with that. 

And Life isn't perfect either!!  All the times, I hear moms who say things like, "Today was SUCH a bad day", but instead of stopping there, they feel like they have to qualify it with a , "But I know it's just the stage of life we're in", or "But I really am thankful to be a stay-at-home mom.". 

QUIT QUALIFYING!!!

Sometimes life really does just suck.  And it's okay to say that, and leave it at that.  If someone else judges you, then that's their issue, not yours!

And the final Thing I learned is that guilt never helped anyone! 

If I am feeling guilty about my behavior, that is only furthering the problem.  But if I feel convicted about my problem, then that will lead to change!  If you mess up, don't spend your time feeling guilty.  Recognize the problem, and then come up with a plan to change it.

If you are struggling with being an Angry Momma, I encourage you to reach out.  You can share your story here with us.  You can talk to a friend.  You can go to a counselor.  Whatever you choose to do, I hope that you truly commit to getting help as you work through it.

And of course, if your anger has ever gotten physical, I plead with you to tell someone who can help you and hold you accountable.  Your child deserves better and while you may be afraid of the consequences, if you love your child, as I'm sure you do, then you know its the right thing to do.

Here are some resources that may help you as you begin your journey of dealing with Anger:

 A.N.G.E.R. Workout
5 Ways Parents Can Handle Their Anger
When Moms Get Angry
I'm becoming an Angry Mother...Can I Change?
Emotions Anonymous

Confessions Of An Angry Momma, Part 2

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Yesterday, I started this series called Angry Moms.

If you didn't get a chance to read it, I encourage you to go back and take a look. 

It's about feeling angry all the time at just about everything, and not understanding why.  And feeling guilty because you do.

But today, I want to tell you, it's okay. 

It's okay to admit that you're angry.  You don't have to suck it up.  You don't have to push that feeling down inside and pretend it doesn't exist. 

Because in case you forgot, you are a human. 

A person with real feelings and emotions. 

And anger is an emotion, just like any other.  It's as normal as feeling happy or excited.  And by ignoring your anger or pretending it isn't there, you are giving it way more credit and time than it deserves.

I heard a quote that said, "If you are harboring anger or bitterness, you have made it an idol, (or God), because it is now the thing that is consuming your mind."

That's what you are allowing anger to do if you try to ignore it instead of deal with it.

{Warning:  we're now at the warm and fuzzy part.  But I hope you'll just go with it...}

If you are a woman who is experiencing this right now, I want you to stop right here.  I want you to take a moment and tell yourself it's okay to feel angry.  Give yourself permission to admit that, without guilt or shame.  If you want to pray about it, do it!  If you just want to talk to yourself, do that.  If you need to journal, go for it!  Whatever it is that you choose to do, just let go of the guilt and shame.

Have you done it?

If so, good for you! 

If not, why?  Why do you think that you have to punish yourself for feeling angry?  It's my hope that if you haven't done it, that you will take some time for yourself, and really consider that.

And now we come to the real question. 

Because you're thinking, 'Well, that's great and all, but now that it's okay to feel angry, what do I do with it?". 

And the answer is: once you've been honest about it, you have to deal with it and then let it go.

Not gonna lie, it's gonna be hard.

Because the truth it, sometimes it's just easier to be angry. 

Right?

It's easier to spank your child and get instant results.  It's easier to slam your fist on the table and yell because things aren't going your way.  It's easier to curse the cashier at the drive thru because she got your order wrong.

All of that is easier than taking a hard look at yourself and realizing that you chose this.

That's right.  You chose this life. This life with kids, and activity schedules, and minivans, and homework, and diapers, and dinner menu's, and laundry.  You chose all of that.  And while you love so much of it, there is so much you didn't bargain for.  And that makes you furious. 

Have I hit a nerve?  Does any of this ring true for you? 

If so, then we are on the right track.  Because that means you are being honest and you know that things need to change.

We are gonna help each other with that. 

Tomorrow, I will be sharing my personal story of being an Angry Mom, and how I am overcoming it. Perhaps some of my story can help you. 

I will also be giving you some ideas on what you can do to begin your own process of discovering why you are angry and what you can do about it.

I hope you'll come back, and maybe even share your story with us. 

Until then, Love and Hugs!

Confessions Of An Angry Momma

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I was talking with a friend the other day about being an Angry Mom. 

You know what I mean, right?

We are yelling at our kids because they won't take a nap.  We're frustrated because they are misbehaving in the grocery store.  We're snapping at our husbands because we're exhausted and our day is nowhere near over.  We're ticked off because our kid has an hours worth of homework, gymnastics, a girl scout meeting and a piano recital all in the same night.  The list goes on.  In fact, it could probably fill a novel's worth.

But why are we so mad?

Because surely we knew that our kid's would resist nap time, they would scream in the grocery store, we would lose plenty of sleep, and that our schedule would be full...

or did we?

I think for a lot of mom's, when considering motherhood, we imagined sweet, sleeping babes, hugs and kisses, silly songs, picnics at the park, and family vacations. 

Things like cleaning up puke in the middle of the night, colicky infants, toddler tantrums, and kids that like to bite weren't the images that filled our minds.

And now we feel robbed.

Robbed because somewhere in the middle of changing poopy diapers and cleaning permanent marker off our walls, we realized that there was no going back to life as we knew it.

Our time was now their time.  And while you love them more than you ever thought possible, you are also mourning the loss of the independent, fun and carefree woman you used to be and also the great little life you imagined.

And then you feel guilty.  Because you would never in a million years change things.  But you can't seem to shake this anger, and you don't know why.

Is this you?  Are you feeling this way? 

If so, you need to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 

Lot's of moms are feeling this same way, and they are afraid to talk about it.  They are afraid to admit it to anyone, even their husbands and closest friends. 

But I am going to talk about it.  I am going to share my own story with you, and hopefully, we can all help each other!

Please join me tomorrow as I continue this series.

Love and Hugs! :)

Staying Sane when You Travel With Kids



In just a couple of weeks, my family will head out for our Spring Break trip to Destin, FL!

While it's our first time to Destin, my family is no stranger to road trips and vacations.  I love getting away with my husband and kids and we do it as much as our small budget will allow.

And through the years, I have developed a few tricks to saving time, money, and my sanity for when we travel. 

Hope they can help you, too!

1.  Meal Management:  We ALWAYS pack our lunch and snacks in an insulated tote for that first day of travel.  It saves us at least $25, and that way, the girls can eat when their hungry, and not just when it's convenient for us to stop.  I also go to the grocery at home before we go and take along things like cereal, fruit, bread, PB&J, spaghetti, etc. so that we can make some of our meals at the hotel/condo/house.  I know part of the fun in traveling is eating out, but by eating just a few meals at home, you can save lots of money and also ensure that your kids are eating at least some healthy meals!

2.  Clothes for Kids: A great system that I use for packing our kids clothes is that I lay out 1 outfit for each girl per day, plus a few extra (in case they have a spill etc.).  This includes underwear, socks, hair accessories etc.  Then, I put each outfit into a separate zip-lock bag and seal it and pack it up.  That way, when it's time for them to get dressed, they can just choose a bag and put on that days outfit.  I don't have to worry that it will all match and they have the freedom to choose which outfit they want.  It's a win-win!

3.  Keep the Kids Happy:  Before we leave for our trip, I head out to Wal-Mart, Target and The Dollar Store and stock up on little presents for the kids.  I put them all into a "surprise bag" that stays with me.  Then throughout the trip, (especially the drive to and from), I reach into the bag and pull out the little gifts I got.  Most of the gifts are small and inexpensive, like a sticker book or activity pad, but I also try to include a few big ones like a new DS game or a DVD they will like.  It makes the time pass much quicker and the girls love getting the surprises one at a time.

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4.  Watch The Weather:  Make sure that you check out the upcoming weather of your destination!  You can go to Weather.com and look at the 10 day forecast to get a good idea, and pack accordingly.  One year we went to Disney and fortunately, I had looked ahead and we knew that they were having unusually cold weather (like highs in the 30's!), so I packed coats etc.  Other families didn't and were forced to try and find coats to buy there, which was VERY expensive!  Plus, the kids will get cranky really fast if they are too hot or cold.

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5.  Develop a Plan: I write up an itinerary for our entire trip before we go.  I research places we want to eat, activities, sites we want to see, and I get the kids involved in the planning too.  And don't forget to include activities that are just for them!! For example, when we go to Destin, we are taking the girls on a surprise Dolphin cruise because they have developed a new interest in them, (thanks to the movie, Dolphin Tale...).  It's not something my husband and I are particularly interested in, but I know they will love it, and I want them to know that what they like to do is important, too!

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6.  Be Flexible:  I know I said to make a plan, but within that plan, build some flexibility!  If you have a full day of shopping on the agenda, but wake up to find that the kids are having a whiny and fussy day, maybe change it to a beach day or a park day.  Remember, this is their vacation, too, and they might just need to relax. 

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7.  Let Your Little Photographers Loose:  My kids LOVE to take pictures, but I don't want them breaking my camera.  So, a few years ago, we got them their own.  We use the Fisher-Price Kid Tough Cameras, but if you don't have one of those, they still sell the disposable cameras at most drug stores.  The kids will love the fact that the grownups don't get to have all the picture taking fun, and you can even give them "assignments" like get five pictures of different shells, or find 3 different flowers to photograph, or make 10 silly faces!

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8.  Bring The Essentials From Home: I know that sometimes we feel like we have to pack up the entire house when we take our kids.  But sometimes, we get so focused on all the stuff we have to bring, that we forget the things that will keep our kids on track.  For example, don't forget that special blankie or dolly.  And if their own pillow will help them sleep better, bring that too.  Also, don't forget the medicines (and a measuring spoon!)!!!  You never know when Benadryl will be needed or when your kid will get a fever.  Other things to keep on hand will be bandaids, a thermometer, an ice pack, and nausea meds if your child is prone to car sickness, (which we had to find out the hard way...)

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9.  Bring a Trash Can for The Car:  Ummm, this kind of relates to the car sickness thing, but also, you wouldn't believe how much trash you accumulate on a little car trip with kids!  A great idea I saw on Pinterest was to get a Tupperware cereal container (that has a sealed top), put a plastic garbage bag in it, and then put the top on.  That way, the top seals and you don't have to smell the garbage the whole time, and it won't fall over and spill out!

10.  Plan Your Travel Time:  You can only watch so many DVD's, play so many video games and listen to so many songs on the radio.  Plan ahead for some fun car games to play with the kids.  This will get everyone involved and break up the drive a little.  For example, after an hour of driving, I usually tell the girls to put away their games and we play the Licence Plate Game for 15 minutes.  After fifteen minutes, they get a surprise, and then they can watch a movie.  After the movie, we play another game for fifteen minutes and then we get a snack.  The day goes on like that and the time flies by!

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So tell me, do you have any travel tips to share?  I would love to hear them!!

I will be linking up to Many Little Blessings for Top Ten Tuesday and We are THAT Family for Works for me Wednesdeay.  Be sure to check them out!

Chocolate Pretzel PB Bites

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For Christmas, a friend brought me these yummy little treats that I fell in love with.

They were mini pretzels with Hershey's kisses and M&M's on top.

Can you say out of control?

They were soooo yummy, and soooo addictive!

So this past week when I was trying to think of something quick, easy and yummy to take to Cheer Madness, (more on that another day...), I remembered these little treats.

But since I am having a full blown love affair with Peanut Butter right now, I decided to substitute the regular M&M's for the Peanut Butter filled M&M's.

And instead of the mini, twisted pretzels, I used the Snyder's of Hanover Butter Snaps.

Why?

Because anything with butter is better!  Just ask Paula Deen!

Anyhow, here's the recipe for these little bites of heaven and if I were you, I would make 2 batches...one for you, and one for everyone else!

1 bag of Hershey's Kisses (unwrapped)
1 bag of Peanut Butter M&M's
1 bag of Snyder's of Hanover Butter Snaps

Place the Butter Snaps out on a baking sheet.

 Place one Hershey's kiss on top of each Pretzel...you may need a helper for this :)

Bake in a preheated 275 degree oven for 3 minutes.  Remove and immediately press one M&M on top of each kiss.

Allow them to cool at room temp for about 30 minutes, and then place them (still on the baking sheet),  into the freezer for about 30 minutes more, or until chocolate is set.

Carefully remove them from the baking sheet and into a storage container.  I placed my conatiner in the fridge until I was ready to take them with me, but they are fine at room temp also.

Hope you enjoy!!

Want The Real Truth? Ask A Kid!

You may not have noticed, but I re-wrote my 'About Me' page the other week.

The original write up was done when I first started this blog, and while good, it was sort of generic.

After some prompting from friends, I decided to make it more my personality.

If you read it, (which I HOPE you do...), you'll see that at the end of the first paragraph, I let you know how awesome I am.  :)

It was meant as kind of a joke, and to show that I can poke fun of myself and have fun with this little blog.

But on the day I wrote it, I was reading it to my husband, aloud, and just after I read that part, my five-year-old, (who I didn't even know was listening), piped up and said, "Well, you're not that awesome!".

Ummm, excuse me?  Who asked you?

I just had to laugh. 

I may have days that I get a little full of myself.  I might think my outfit is great, or my hair is just perfect, or that I just wrote the most amazing post int he whole world. 

But The Good Lord knew that I needed some back-to-reality kind of truth in my life.  So He gave me 2 kids :)

My husband, I, and my 2 Truth Tellers!



So do you have any funny 'TRUTH TELLING' stories to share? 

And The Winner of The Hershey's Easter Basket is...

Congratulations to Su Nela!!!! 

You are the winner of the AWESOMNESS that is the Hershey's Easter Basket!! 

{I will be emailing you soon to get your shipping address!}

And if you didn't win, no worries...Hershey's has you covered!!  Make sure to check out their site to get lots of ideas on making your own creative Easter Basket and lots of other crafty, (and yummy!), ideas!

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