Don't Be {THAT} Mom

School is starting, and you have a choice to make.

What kind of mom will you be this year?

Here are some Moms you DON'T want to be!




1.  The Hooker Mom.  No one wants to see you prancing into school with the words "Juicy" or "Pink " on your behind.  It's a school, not a meat market.  And by the way, it's also inappropriate to send your six year old to school with anything across her behind too.

2.  The Over Achiever Mom.  Other mom's don't like her, because she makes us look bad.  Don't volunteer for every.  single.  thing.  And at least ONCE, send in something that is NOT homemade!

3.  The Clueless Mom.  Teachers hate this mom.  They send home all those information packets for a reason.  Try reading it. 

4.  The Gossip Mom.  It's a quick way to lose friends and get a bad rep.  Unless of course you are gossiping about celebrities.  In which case, Gossip On My Friend!

5.  The Mom whose Kids are ALWAYS right.  No kid is perfect and every kid has issues.  Little Johnny did hit that girl.  And for no good reason.  Accept it.

6.  The Bragging Mom.  We know your husband is a doctor.  And you're building your dream house.  And you just got back from Fiji.  And you bought a new Mercedes.  And you lost 15 pounds.  And your nanny is the best.  Yay for you!  Now quit telling us about it.

7.  The Slacker Mom.  You know, the mom who never helps at the dreaded classroom party, or worse yet, volunteers and then never follows through?  Or the mom who can't even send in a bag of chips on teacher luncheon day?  Yeah, don't be her.

8.  The Green/Whole Foods Mom.  It's all well and good that you buy raw milk, save rain water in a barrel, and plan to save the Earth one sheet of saved paper at a time.  But please, for the love of parents everywhere, stop insisting that the entire classroom participate in your projects.  When I'm ready to make my kid's clothes out of grass, I'll let you know.

9.  The Bad Mood Mom.  Grumpy is not a lifestyle.  Even if you have to fake it, try acting happy every once in a while.

10.  The Sales Mom.  We don't want to buy your Tupperware, or your Avon, or your energy/diet drink that will take off 100 pounds in three weeks and make me feel like a new person.  (Okay, if you *actually* sell something that promises that, call me!).  The classroom is not your new sales territory.  Quit asking!

Here's hoping for a great year of wonderful teachers, well behaved children, and sane parents.

I will be linking up with Many Little Blessings for Top Ten Tuesday and We Are THAT Family for WFMW.

Do You Get Me??

I started this here blog of mine about a year and a half ago.

I could tell you all the reasons why, but basically it's just because I wanted to.

I have fun writing and it's my creative outlet.

{Or the reason I don't have a drinking problem.  Take your pick}

But sometimes I wonder if people get me.

As in, when you read what I write, do you get what I'm trying to say?

A big part of my writing is humor and/or sarcasm.  But does that come across?

Or do people think I am truly a nut job who takes lots of headmeds and drinks to get through her day?

{Okay, maybe some of that is actually true...}

Or maybe you just think I'm bitter.


I don't know.

Because sometimes I think the way I read it in my head could be waaaaay different that the way *you* read it.

It's like texting or email.

Someone might mean nothing but loveliness, but I read it and think they have named me their arch enemy.


I have thought about vlogging, (video blogging for those who aren't blog savvy), but I pretty much never wear a bra when I'm at home, so that could be awkward.

{If my parents, in-laws or any other relatives are still reading at this point, I'm truly sorry if I've embarrassed or offended you...}

But the thing is, I really do hope people are reading, and getting what I write.

Because I feel like I literally pour myself out onto these posts.  And I care what you think.

Whether you're laughing, or getting teary eyed, or it causes you to take a moment and consider something.

I hope that in some way, you feel even a little bit connected to me.

Because for me, that's what this is all about.

Summertime Blues

Summers are interesting.

I love the extra time with the girls, the laid back schedule, and the time at the pool.

But, there is one teensy weensy thing I DO NOT like.

The fact that I have to entertain my kids All.  Day.  Long.

After the first couple of weeks, they start to complain that all parks are the same.

{Which they pretty much are}

And we have seen every kid friendly movie at the theaters.  And on Netflix.  And on Demand. 

They only want to go to the pool when their friends are there, (which we never seem to predict correctly), and only if I take out a personal loan to afford enough snack bar items to keep them happy.

Plus, they are fighting pretty much every single second of the day.

"She touched me"

"She took my doll"

"She turned the TV off"

"She said I couldn't come in her room"

"She's cutting my hair"

It never ends.

And I am starting to lose my mind....

And I think people are starting to notice.

I am so used to speaking through clenched teeth that I have started answering my phone that way.

{My sincerest apologies to Police and Fire Widow's and Children's Fund.  I really do think it's a great cause...}

And as I'm trying to check out at the library, (as the girls literally scream and kick at one another behind me), the librarian looks at me like I'm crazy.

{Which I pretty much am}

I probably should ask if she could recommend any good parenting books.

But I think we both know it's a lost cause.

So I ask about books on wine instead.

And Valium.

Hey, whatever gets us through, right?

I keep trying to motivate myself into a better mood, telling myself that these times are precious and that one day soon I will wish I had them all back.

But then one of my girls spills a bottle of juice all over the floor and jerks me back to reality.

The truth is, as much as I DO love having them home, I am really ready for school to start.

Please tell me I'm not the only one??!!

Insomnia: Stuff To Do When You're Not Sleeping

Insomnia and I have become close friends.

Not by my choosing.

But I'm guessing that I'm not the only one she is stalking.

So, in case you, too, are failing at avoiding her, I have some suggestions for stuff to do while you hang.

10.  Ask Your Husband If He's Awake.  And if he's not, go ahead and wake him up.  Just to chat.  Husbands love having heart-to-hearts in the middle of the night.

9.  Peruse Pinterest.  If you're lucky, you can find some great DIY projects to keep you busy the next night when you're not sleeping.

8.  Do A DIY Project.  See #9.

7.  Watch Infomericals.  I am in awe of the sheer amount of Ah-Maz-Ing products out there that I never knew existed.  For instance, how in the world have I lived my whole life without using InstaHang?  I mean, I have spent years hanging pictures with a plain old hammer and nails.   Never again my friend!  And I really think the Hypnosis Weight Loss program is going to be what finally does the trick for me.  Seriously, those 'actual customers' said it really worked for them.  I'm a believer!

6.  Read.  Since you're sleepy, you won't be able to focus on anything heavy, so stock up on People, US Weekly, and anything else that has a Kardashian on the front. 

5.  Check out AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com  I promise you won't be disappointed!

4.  Eat.  There is no one around to witness you consuming the ENTIRE half gallon of ice cream AND/or the leftover pizza.  And if no one saw it, did it ever really happen?  I didn't think so.

3.  Give Yourself a Mani/Pedi.  I have learned from experience that if you are a parent of young children, this may be the ONLY time that you can get by with painting your nails without the risk of them being immediately ruined by the urgent need for juice or a snack or bathroom assistance.

2.  Clean.  Oh wait, did you think I was serious with this one?  No way!  Not even insomnia and the extra hours she brings are enough to make me want to do actual housework.  I'm still me after all...

1.  Write A Blog Post. If you haven't started a blog yet, this is a great time to join in. Plenty of time to write and not a soul in the world to interrupt you. If you're already a blogger, go ahead and write a post about your insomnia. As you can see, this is riveting stuff.

Linking up with Many Little Blessings for Top Ten Tuesday.  Go check them out!

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awesome:

My new van!! 

I love it and I am soooo thankful that we were able to find this used van at a price we could afford and it has all the bells and whistles we were hoping for!  God is Good!!



Also Awesome:

A Long Weekend!  I am so excited to have this long weekend coming up!  It's going to be full of family, friends, a date night, and time at the pool!  What more could a stressed out momma want?!

Awkward:

Oh friends...you have hit the jackpot on this week's awkward. 

Actually, these fabulous pictures were taken about 15 or 16 years ago.  But even with that, how embarrassing?  This is me and my best friend, Deb, when we were in college.

Somehow, we thought it would be a great idea to get our pictures taken together.  At Kmart, nonetheless. 

Could we be more dorky or weird???

I mean, the clothing and hair alone is enough to tell you that we had issues.

And the even more awkward part is that after we had the pictures taken, and distributed them to our friends, (seriously??), someone saw it and thought we were a couple.  As in, he thought we were in love.

Even as I type it I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. 

I wish I could defend it in some way, but no excuse makes it any less strange.

Truth is, I had forgotten about these pictures until a few weeks ago I was hanging out with Deb, and she dug one out of her purse and gave it to me.  Needless to say, it gave all of the friends we were with a good laugh.

Ahhhh, gotta love documented moments of craziness :)

Here's a more recent picture of us...at least a *little* better.


Do you have any awkward or Awesome moments from this week to share? 

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awesome:

Last weekend we went to dinner with some friends and then had them back here to watch Jim Gaffigan's new comedy special, Mr. Universe.

It.  Was.  Hilarious.

source

I was laughing so hard that at one point I was sure that I was going to stop breathing.  If you need a good laugh, be sure to download it, (it's not available in stores or on TV).

Also Awesome:

Our House Church.  We attend a local church that we love, but we also attend a weekly home church in our community.  It is similar to a small group, but different in that we have a meal together, we have worship time, we study The Bible together, we do communion together, we do children's lessons...it really is more like an actual church (just really casual and less organized).

But I LOVE our House Church.  It's not always easy, and sometimes it's downright difficult.  But the way God uses it to change me and grow me as a person is beyond what I could have imagined.  Our marriage is better because of it, our parenting is better and my walk with Jesus is better.  I am so thankful for this group of people.

Awkward:

When my girls ask where baby's come from, I have always told them that when a man and woman get married, they pray to God for a baby.  Then, He puts one in the mommy's belly or in another mommy's belly for them to adopt.  Then, when it's time, you either go to the hospital and your baby is born or you go get it from the lady who had your baby.

So the other day, my five-year-old was talking about babies and weddings and asked what would happen if your baby came before or on your wedding day.

Hmmmm, this could get tricky, I thought.

I said, "well, that could happen, but usually mommy's and daddy's get married first and then pray for the baby."

"But what happens if God wants you to have the baby first?" she asked.

"Well, God usually likes it if the mommy's and daddy's are married first" I say

"Yeah, but why do some mommy's and daddy's have their baby before they get married?" she asks.

Me quickly trying to think of an age appropriate answer...

"Hey, guess what, I bought new fruit snacks yesterday.  Want one?"

"Yep" she says.

And that was the end of that.

Putting My Kids Back In Diapers

It.  Never.  Ever.  Fails.

We're going out to lunch or dinner with friends

We get to the restaurant and just as I am getting into a really good conversation, (you know, after we have figured out seating, found ways to keep them busy and occupied, cut their food, encouraged them to eat, cleaned up their mess, taken a breath and started to eat my own meal), one of my girls says, "I have to go potty."

I think they hate me.

My heart sinks and my blood boils.

Don't they realize that this is my off duty time?  Couldn't they tell that I was enjoying myself?  Didn't they notice that this was the first adult conversation that I had gotten to have all day?

They don't even care.

I want to scream.  Like in a really loud and ugly way.  I want to yell, "didn't I tell you to go before we left the house?"

But I can't, because I don't want the reign of judgement from all the good parents.

So I get up and take them.

But I am annoyed. 

Like really annoyed.

So I have my own version of a temper tantrum and hurry them through it, and just as I sit back down, take a bite and try to figure out where we were in our conversation, the other child pops up and whadoyouthink she has to say?!

I need to go potty.

Why is The Lord punishing me?

I wasn't going to gossip.  I had no wrong intentions.  I just wanted to eat a hot meal, discuss Pinterest and find out when Brangelina is getting married.

But it's not meant to be.

I take her, and after we return, everyone is packing up to go.

Once again, they win. 

So, would it be wrong to put my 8 and 5 year olds back into diapers?

The Baggers At Kroger Hate Me

Remember last week when I told you about all the great Earth Day stuff you could do?  And I told you I was going to the grocery on Sunday and using my reusable bags?

Well, I did.

I was so proud of myself for actually remembering the bags and I proudly displayed them on top of my cart as I shopped, as if to say,

"Look!  I'm saving the world one bag at a time!"

So when I arrived at the check-out lane and the bagger asked if plastic was okay, I smiled and said, "Actually, could you use these (my reusable bags), and when they are full, please use paper."

I was sure he was going to give me an award or something.

But instead, he looked at me and with that annoyed teenager look and said "uh-huh".

So, I finished loading my stuff and after I paid and the cashier started helping the bagger, the cashier said, "Is it okay if I put this other stuff in plastic?" (The reusable bags were full).

It was obvious he must not have heard my proud Earth Day Statement.

"No, could you please use paper?"  I say.

And again, no award.

He grabbed a paper bag and dropped a few things in.

And then, "can I put your meat in the plastic?" he asks.

Apparently they didn't get the Earth Day memo.  (Maybe I should have left them my blog card...)

"Ummm, no." I say, "please use paper."

And THEN he totally rolled his eyes! 

Didn't they know how proud I was?  How big of a step this was for me?  I mean, no award is one thing, but rolling your eyes?!

And what he did next was down right aggressive!  I had a bag of pretzels and a bag of chips left, and instead of asking HE JUST GRABBED A PLASTIC BAG AND THREW THEM IN!!!!

I knew they were trying to squash my Earth Day pride.  But I maintained my cool, strolled my cart quickly to the side, hid the plastic bag so no one could see it in my cart, and then proudly marched out to my van so that everyone else could see what a great Earth citizen I was.

And then I took this picture.  Kind of like it was my birthday.

So, the baggers at Kroger hate me, but I'm pretty sure I'm a star in the Go Green community! :)

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

A few of the blogs I follow do these posts on Thursdays called Awkward and Awesome.

And I LOVE reading them.

Because it means that I'm not the only one with a lot of awkward in their life.

So today, I am sharing some of my own awkward and awesome.

You're welcome :)

Awesome:

My oldest, Addy, has been afraid of dogs since she was a baby.  We have tried pretty much everything to help her, but nothing has worked.  BUT, my friend was moving last weekend and asked us to watch her dog for the week.  I said yes.

I said yes because I knew this might be the only way for Addy to get over her fear.  She had to actually be forced to be around a dog for an extended period of time.

AND IT WORKED!!!!

Not sure if she'll be around any other dogs, but she has fallen in love with this one.

It's a great first step!

Also Awesome:

I might be the last person on Earth to find out about this, but there is this great website I found called SparkPeople.com.  It's a site that is to help people to start and track their weight loss efforts.  It has tons of great info and is really easy to use.  I am trying to get motivated (again) to start exercising and eating better and I really think this is going to help.

Awkward:

So I ran into my daughter's kindergarten teacher at the grocery the other day.  We are friends, too, so we got to chatting and she told me she was heading to Barnes and Noble for a school fundraising thing.  I hadn't heard about the fundraiser and didn't have time to go by, so I gave her money and told her that I had been hearing all about this book Fifty Shades of Grey on Facebook.  People were saying that it was like Twilight, and since I LOVED the Twilight Series, I wanted to get the book and check it out.  I asked her if she would get it for me. 

She agreed and off she went.  A couple hours later I got a call from her.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  "Hello?"

Teacher: "Hey.  I'm here at the bookstore and ummmm....(pause), just wondering if you know anything about this book?"

Me: "Yeah.  It's like Twilight."

Teacher: "Yeah.  Ummmm, kinda.  Well, except it's in the Erotica section"

Me: GASP!  And then hysterical laughing!

Teacher:  "So I had to ask the guy at the help desk where it was, and he told me it was in the erotica section.  I told him that he must be wrong because I was looking for the book that was like Twilight for my friend.  He said, 'yeah', and then gave me a copy to page through.  It's definitely erotica."

Me: "I am sooo sorry!  I had no idea."  Still laughing.

Teacher: "And I'm pretty sure he thinks I was making the 'friend' up and really just asking for it for myself.  And then, a parent walks up while the book is in my hand and says hello.  And then I have to ask the help desk guy for help finding children's material.  I think I sounded a little creepy.

Me:  Hysterically laughing some more.

Teacher:  "So do you want it?"

Me:  "No!  But that is about the best story I have heard in a long time!"

Teacher:  "I'll send your money home in an envelope on Monday."

I think maybe I should let her keep it :)

So tell me, do you have any Awkward or Awesome moments from this week to share??

Grocery Shopping Isn't For Wimps

One of my favorite things used to be going grocery shopping.

I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.

It would be a guaranteed hour (or hour and a half if I could stretch it), by myself to peruse the aisles without two little ones needing juice or a snack or me to wipe them.

It was my mommy break.

But now it's just a chore.

Why did things change, you ask?

Because the grocery shopping experience has changed.

Here's a glance at what my grocery shopping looks like now:

I arrive at grocery store and test a cart to see if it rolls straight and is quiet.  If not, return it and test another until I find the right one.  I HATE being the lady that people look at because her cart is too noisy, like I purposely broke the thing to get attention or something.

Then I start on my list.  First, there's produce.

My girls have started to become extra picky in this area and I never know which week is going to be a grapes week, or a banana week.  Or, if some other kid brings Strawberries to school in their lunch, then I'm totally screwed.  I buy it all and move on.

Then it's on to meat.  There are just waaaay too many choices here to even think about.  And I get overwhelmed trying to figure it all out.  Natural vs. Organic vs. Free Range vs. Grass Fed...what does all of it mean?! 

I'll tell you what it means.  It means my brain explodes and I grab a pound of ground beef, a frozen bag of chicken and get the heck out of there!

Next is cereal.

Now, I have to tell you that I have felt the pressure lately to try and buy better grains for my family.  Everybody and their sister is making homemade granola and bread and blogging about how we shouldn't be giving our kids all the processed junk. 

So I actually venture into the Health Food/ Organic section, (which is akin to going to Africa for me), and search out some cereal that I think will taste good and be better for them. 

AND I FIND ONE!

I feel like mom of the year, and I quickly exit the Health food section before I mess it up!

Next up is lunch food and snacks, which is easy because my husband and kids pretty much like the same things all the time.  I collect the Capri Suns, Peanut Butter, GoGo Squeeze Applesauce, yogurt, and pretzels.  I also grab juice, water, and the only thing that saves me from complete insanity: Coke Zero.

And then I have to get bread.  Ohhhhhh the bread aisle.

Why do they have to make it so difficult??

Can't all bread just be good-for-you bread?

But again I am forced to read labels.  I HATE READING LABELS!!!!

I think that I remember that there shouldn't be high fructose corn syrup in bread, so I scan for that first.  I find one with none, but then I remember this gal I saw on Rachel Ray who said you shouldn't be able to fold your bread. 

Is it okay to squeeze the bread in the store to see if it will fold?

And then I see that other mom stroll her car into the aisle.  You know that mom.  She weighs about 105 lbs., has work out clothes on at the grocery, and when you peak in her cart, she has nothing but fresh fruits, vegetables, tofu, and something that resembles cereal but is basically seeds and grass.  And she's telling her child, (who looks like he's never had an Oreo in his entire life!), that he can't have the fruit snacks because they have artificial colors and flavoring. 

I think I'm in trouble here.

I see her quickly scan my cart and I just know she is judging it!

Inside her head, she's all, "Ummm, do you really need that soda?"  and "you probably don't even love your kids if you give them that junk!".

I start to panic a little.  I find the hardest, closest-to-a-brick consistency bread and put it in my basket and wheel my cart away before the other mom reports me to Child Services.

By this time, I feel completely defeated.

I grab the milk, eggs, and the box of Ho-Ho's that some other poor soul has dropped off in the toilet paper aisle, (guilt probably got the better of her...), and head to the check-out lane.

I start to load my stuff onto the belt, and then the cashier starts harassing me for my Kroger card.  Can't they see that I'm loading the stuff?  I pause so that I can dig it out of my purse, and they act completely annoyed that I am making them wait.  After it is scanned, I start to finish the loading.  Then the bagger is asking for my cart so he can put the bagged groceries in.

Can't they see I still have stuff to unload???

So after basically throwing the rest of my stuff onto the belt, I give the bagger my cart just in time to have the cashier ask me about coupons.

Ahhhhh shoot!  I totally forgot about my coupons.  I smile nervously and ask him to wait while I go through them quickly to see if any will work.

He is slightly less than thrilled.

I shuffle through them while I feel the weight of him starring at me.  I hand him several that I pray are not expired.

He starts to scan them and then there's that dreaded beep that basically announces to the line behind you that you are going to waste an extra five minutes of their precious time.

He tries again, and again.  Finally he looks at the coupon and then the receipt and tells you that you didn't even buy the laundry detergent that the coupon is for.

Great.  I forgot the laundry detergent.

You take the coupon back and the cashier gives you the total.  $800.

What?!

Last week I spent just $118.  Guess I won't be buying that fancy cereal and bread again.

(Okay, maybe it wasn't $800, but still a lot more than I wanted to spend.)

I head home and vow to find a better way of grocery shopping...

Until the next Sunday when I do it all again.

So you see, THIS is why I don't love grocery shopping anymore.

Is your shopping experience similar???  Do you have tips/tricks to make it easier???

Here is a funny video that I thought you might enjoy that kind of sums up how we feel!

How To Have Fun With Mono and Strep

source

I have been feeling under the weather for a couple weeks now off and on.

One day I would feel HORRIBLE, and the next I would feel pretty good. 

So, I ignored it.

Chalked it up to sinus stuff.

But on Monday, I woke up and knew I needed to get to a doctor fast.

My throat felt like I had swollowed a bag of nails and that little thingy that is at the back of your throat (not your tonsils...I'm not that ignorant.  Okay, whatever...), was so swollen that I could feel it pressing down on the back of my tongue.

Sooo, off to the ER I went.

(My family doctor is in the middle of switching practices and neither the new or old practice had available appointments.)

And after some swabbing and sticking and waiting, I found out that I had strep and mono.

{I like extra credit}

No wonder I had been so tired.

Anyhow, I have been stuck in the house now for several days, sleeping a lot.  But also having some extra time on my hands.

And since I can't do housework or anything, (Doctors orders as far as my husband knows...), then I have had to come up with other, creative, ways to entertain myself.

Here are a few, just in case you, too, need some ideas.

-Watch as much reality TV as possible!  I do this pretty much all the time anyway, but at least now I have a good excuse.

-Stalk people on Facebook and find out what the girls who made fun of you in high school look like.  If they're pretty, tell yourself that they had work done, and then tell lots of other people the same thing.  If they haven't aged well, reach out to them and make sure they see your best photo, and tell them how great your life is now.

-Go on lots of blogs and leave crazy comments that have nothing to do with the post.  But make sure to leave the comment using another person's name. 

-Try some of the homemade scrubs and peels that are circulating around Pinterest.  If it doesn't turn out well and leaves your skin blotchy, you can say that it's a new side effect from Mono.

-Catch up on celebrity gossip and other current events.  This week I have learned that Brangelina is engaged, Rhianna and Chris Brown might be back together, and that Britney Spears will probably be a new judge on The X-Factor.  Oh, and Hostess may be going out of business, which means no more Twinkies...or Ding Dongs (Gasp!)!  All groundbreaking news stories!

-Order expensive Take-out.  Explain to your husband that chocolate souffle is about the only thing that doesn't hurt your throat when you eat.  You would be happy to have a sandwich, but it just hurts too bad.

-Shop Online.  This is a great time to order that perfect Mother's Day gift for yourself!  Explain that since you're sick, this is the one thing you can do to help the family right now.

-Send frequent text messages to your loved ones letting them know how much you appreciate them in this time of sickness, and reminding them that you like flowers, candy and gift cards.

-Plan out your vacations...for the next five years.

-Do some research!  For example, it would be wise to read ALL of the Hunger Games books, (even if you already have), so that you know exactly what's in them for when your kids want to read them.  Same goes for Twilight and Nicholas Sparks' novels.

-Start playing all those silly games like Words with Friends and Draw Something.  And then bombard all your friends with requests to "play you"...they totally love that!

-Blog.  Hey, if this is what it takes to get some blog work done, then mono and strep it is!

Hope that these suggestions help you in your time of illness, too!

National Lampoon's Destin Vacation

Okay, so here's the craziness that was our Spring Break Vacation to Destin, FL:

We planned to leave no later than 8am on Friday morning. 

BUT, as you know, trying to get yourself and 3 kids 2 kids and a husband out the door in a timely manner is an almost impossible task.

Especially when my sister calls at 7:30am and tells me that she has to run "a few important things" over to pack into the back of my van because they won't fit into hers.

{And by "a few important things" I mean her folding chairs and beer...Family Vacation: here she comes!}

So, we finally pull out of the driveway about 9:15am, and get 15 minutes down the road and realize I forgot our vacation cash.

The cash I had been saving for 3 months for our trip.

Kind of important.

Soooo, we turn the car around and head back home to get it, and we FINALLY leave around 9:45am...only an hour and 45 minutes past schedule.

We start down the road and before long, I pull out the family games to keep us busy, and it was actually fun.  A lot of fun.  In fact, so much fun that we didn't even notice that we had driven an hour out of our way past our exit.

After some quick thinking, (thank you Lord for GPS on my Smart phone!), we drove across Kentucky to get back on track.  No worries...this is vacation.  Not gonna let anything ruin my fun. (Insert evil laugh here).

But after a couple of hours, my husband turns around to notice our youngest daughter has turned a slight shade of green and is being unusually quiet.  After some brief questioning, I realized that scrubbing puke out of my leather seats was about to be in my near future. 

I got off at the next exit and fortunately, I had brought some Dramamine and applesauce.  Yay for us!  It had been a close call, (too close for comfort!), but we had avoided disaster.  And a mommy meltdown.

Back on the road, we were met with some lovely Nashville traffic, (oh yeah, we had only made it to Nashville at this point).  I mean, isn't sitting in stand still traffic your favorite?!  Kids totally LOVE that.  And they NEVER have to go to the bathroom when you're in the middle of it.

I'm not being sarcastic at all. 

Ahem.

Anyhoo, after several hours, and 3 miles closer to our destination, (which was Birmingham since we had a hotel booked for the night), we decide to stop for dinner where I had to load Faith up again with more Dramamine.  Man oh man, you would think that kid would be completely knocked out, but lucky us, she was just tired, grumpy, and unwilling to give in to sleep.  It was like a party!  You know, the kind that makes you want to pull out your hair and jump out of the moving van!

But finally, we made it to the hotel for the night...where I discovered that I had forgotten to pack underwear...for any of us.

Off to the nearest Walmart I went.

{Note: Walmart's in The South have their own, unique thing going on, especially at 11pm.  The craziness you see there far surpasses the craziness that I see at my local Walmart.  Bra's are 100% optional even with see-through shirts, a full set of teeth are NOT the norm, and there is no weight limit for women, (and one possible man), wearing bikini tops with short shorts.  Plus, if you thought pimps wearing full fur and gold teeth were a thing of the past, then you were W-R-O-N-G my friend.  They are still livin' it up in the Birmingham, Alabama Walmart Parking Lot!}

Saturday morning was (thankfully) uneventful.  We were on our way to Destin, and once we got there, we were pleasantly surprised to see how nice the place was.  My kids couldn't wait to get into the pool, so we unpacked as quickly as we could, and jumped right into the fun. 

After dinner and a good night's sleep, we got up and headed to the BEAUTIFUL Destin beach.  When people say the sand is like powder, they're not lying.  I mean it was absolutely the best beach I've ever been to.  WAAAAY better than the Cesar's Creek beach we took our kids to last year in which we convinced them it was the Ocean.  We'll never get away with that again.  And don't even get me started on the gorgeous water.  I felt like I was in the Caribbean it was so clear!

Our girls loved it so much that we stayed all day, and then headed home to go to dinner.  But our dear old van (who happens to have about 129,000 miles on her),  had other plans. 

As soon as we started it, violent shaking occurred and the 'Service Engine Soon' light came on.

Not a mechanic, but I'm pretty sure that's not a good sign.

After calling AAA and them coming to tow our car to a local shop, we decided just to order pizza for dinner. 

Who knew that most pizza places in Destin don't deliver after 8pm?  Not me!  And apparently, the Papa Johns there only carries thin crust pizza.  Hmmmm....sandwiches for everyone!

The next morning we got a call from the shop saying that we needed all new spark plugs and wires.  We told them to go ahead and make the repairs, (like we had another choice), and went to go pick up the car later that evening. 

And after paying the $500, we go out to get in our car to find that it's STILL SHAKING!

We told the mechanic and he apologized and asked us to leave it overnight so they could fix it the next morning.

Isn't that what we had just paid the $500 for??

So, we go back to the house without a car, and spend some quality family time at the mercy of those who did have transportation.

But sometime during the night, Jeremy (my husband), says that his throat is hurting.  And within hours he has a fever and is puking. 

I told him we were going to the ER and after a little bit of negotiating, (AKA, him saying no and me demanding that he get into the #@*% car), we went.  At 3am.  After I stole borrowed my mom's car.  Searching (for 30 minutes) for the nearest hospital. 

Doesn't this sound like a dream VACAY????

After a steroid shot and an antibiotic to treat his strep, we were sent on our way.  I was beginning to wonder if maybe these were signs from above.  Perhaps we should have stayed home?  What in the world could happen next?  I was afraid to ask more questions.

But the next day, our car came back with a (kind of) clean bill of health.  She still slightly shakes and the Service Engine Soon light is still on, but we have been assured that there is nothing wrong.  (I'm not questioning it, and neither should you!).

Plus, by the end of the day, Jeremy was feeling much better and we were even able to get out and have a date night.

The rest of the week was actually pretty great.  We ate yummy food, (and ice cream almost every night), visited the picturesque town of Seaside, and spent a bunch of time in the water and in the sand.

And we really did get to spend some good family time.  In fact, one highlight is that most of my family finally discovered I have this little thing called a blog.  Not that they have ANY idea what that actually is, because they've never read it.  Ever.

Oh families...gotta love em'!

But as crazy as it sounds, I can't wait to go back.  I'll probably have a new van by then, and may make my entire family take precautionary antibiotics, but we'll be back!

Purchase Deception: Keeping Your Husband In The Dark About Your New Stuff


Now, before I start this post, I just want to make it clear that I am not condoning lying to your spouse.  I think it's a horrible thing to do, and I, myself, would never think of lying to my husband about a purchase I made.

Never.

But, if, say, I did decide to purchase some things and I didn't want him to find out about it, these would maybe be some of the tricks I would use so that he wouldn't find out.

1.  Hide The Stuff In Your Trunk Until He's Gone:  This is the original form of purchase deception and while it's a good method, it's risky.  You never know when your husband will decide that he needs to get in there for some kind of gizmo you didn't even know was in your trunk. 

2.  Carry It In With The Groceries:  Men don't usually take any interest in the groceries, so this is a pretty safe method. If you think there's a shot that he may want to help with carrying in or putting away the groceries, make sure to put a box of tampons or pads over the items you are trying to hide and this will guarantee that he won't be removing anything from that bag.

3.  Have Your Friend Wrap The Item And Give It To You As A "Gift": Women must stick together.  We all know how this game works and we need to support one another!

4.  Use The Dry Cleaning Excuse:  Keep a dry cleaning bag in the car and then when you get something new, put it in the bags and carry it in.  If your husband should happen to question it, ask him if he would like to pick up the dry cleaning next time.  That will shut him down quickly.

5.  Put It In The Kids Backpacks:  Be careful with this one too.  Kids have big mouths and if they start asking questions, you may have to abort your plan and go another route.

6.  Have It Delivered:  Husbands are usually not home during the day when the UPS delivers, so this is a pretty safe bet.  But make sure it doesn't come on a weekend!!!  Pay extra for next day delivery if you have to!

7.  Wear The Item/Items Home:  If he asks about the items, act as if you are annoyed that he didn't pay attention to what you were wearing in the morning.  Men don't want to be in the dog house, so they usually don't push the issue.

8.  Tell Him It Was Free: You'll have to pay cash and destroy the receipt, but then you can tell him that you had a rewards coupon and that the item was free.  He'll be proud that he has such a savings savvy wife!

9.  Save It For a Holiday:  If you know you'll get in big trouble for a purchase you have made, you may want to save it for an Anniversary, Valentines Day or Your Birthday.  Men know that these holidays are sacred, so they won't argue with you on those days.  And if you play it like you just saved them a shopping trip to buy you something, they will probably even thank you.

10.  Tell him He Bought it For You:  This will really throw him off.  If you tell him he bought you the item a couple years ago, he will be so flustered trying to backpedal, that he'll magically "remember" and change the subject.

I cannot stress enough how careful you must be if you choose to use any of these methods.  If you blow it, you could ruin this for the rest of the women, (but again, not me, because I never do this!). 

Good Luck and may the Fashion Force be with you!

I will be linking up with Many Little Blessings for Top Ten Tuesday and We Are THAT Family for Works for Me Wednesday.  Be sure to check them out!








Pinterest Fads...What Do You Think?

Every day I pop onto Pinterest and see a new fad popping up.  Some I like, and some I think are just silly.  But here's my two cents on a few of them...
1.  Couch to 5K:  I need more of a couch to the curb before I attempt a couch to 5K.  Just not sure this program is quite at my beginner level...(Or perhaps I should call it below beginner level?)

2.  YoureCards:  These are the cards with all the funny sayings on them.  I love them because they cater to my personal brand of humor, which is called sarcasm.  It's like all the stuff I am thinking, but because I'm Christian, I can't say.

3.  The Ultimate Outfit: Tons of great outfits that no one can afford.  Plus, what looks good on the 90 lb. model wearing the outfit will probably look a little different on my, how should I say...slightly larger body.

4.  The best________  Ever!:  We've all seen the recipe that claims to be the best (whatever) ever.  I mean, how do you even prove that?  I'm going to start calling my blog the best ever and dare you to tell me otherwise. 

5.  The DIY tutorial:  Here's the thing, we're not all DIY kind of girls.  Some of us need to face facts and realize that we will never be able to make a skirt of out of old postcards.  So lets just all give ourselves a break and admit that we actually still buy our clothes.

6.  Ryan Gosling:  Hey Girl, Ryan Gosling thinks it's creepy that you keep pinning pictures of him saying weird stuff about homeschooling and crafts. Stop it.

7.  Gorgeous Hair:  Oh how we all wish we could pull off those cute little hairdo's.  But the fact is, most of us are lucky if we even get to grab a shower and actually wash our hair, much less do anything with it.

8.  Word Art In The Bedroom:  I love all these beautiful sayings like, "You & Me"  and "You Have My Whole Heart For My Whole Life" hanging above the bed, but I think those are just fluff words.  Now maybe if it said something like, "I Love You Because You Get Up With Our Puking Kids" or "I Can't Believe You Still Think I'm Attractive  After 2 Kids And An Extra 50 Pounds", then that would really be romantic.

9.  Layered Desserts: I am guilty of making these obscene desserts too.  Cookie bars, topped with Oreos, covered in brownie batter and a layer of lard on top.  I mean, why waste our precious time gaining that 300 pounds one cookie at a time?  This way will be much faster!

10. 101 Fun Things To Do With Your Toddler:  Here's an idea, How about we get off Pinterest and do just 1?

Hope you enjoyed my take on some of the latest Pinterest fads.  What do YOU think of them?

I will be linking up with Many Little Blessings for Top Ten Tuesday and We Are THAT Family for Works For Me Wednesday.  Be sure to check them out!

Want The Real Truth? Ask A Kid!

You may not have noticed, but I re-wrote my 'About Me' page the other week.

The original write up was done when I first started this blog, and while good, it was sort of generic.

After some prompting from friends, I decided to make it more my personality.

If you read it, (which I HOPE you do...), you'll see that at the end of the first paragraph, I let you know how awesome I am.  :)

It was meant as kind of a joke, and to show that I can poke fun of myself and have fun with this little blog.

But on the day I wrote it, I was reading it to my husband, aloud, and just after I read that part, my five-year-old, (who I didn't even know was listening), piped up and said, "Well, you're not that awesome!".

Ummm, excuse me?  Who asked you?

I just had to laugh. 

I may have days that I get a little full of myself.  I might think my outfit is great, or my hair is just perfect, or that I just wrote the most amazing post int he whole world. 

But The Good Lord knew that I needed some back-to-reality kind of truth in my life.  So He gave me 2 kids :)

My husband, I, and my 2 Truth Tellers!



So do you have any funny 'TRUTH TELLING' stories to share? 

Things I Learn From Reality TV

As you all know, I am a reality show junkie.

My husband may say that it's all trash, (and he may be right...), but I think I actually learn a lot from these shows. 

So today, I am sharing some of my reality-show-found-wisdom with you.

No thanks required :)

10.  Spray tans don't look good on anyone.  If you think they make you look good, you're kidding yourself.  You look orange.  And nobody is fooled.  It's winter.  In Michigan. The jig is up.

9.  Giving Yourself A Nickname Isn't Cool.  In fact, names like "The Situation" and "JWOW" just make you sound ridiculous.  And if you must give yourself a name, make it something that actually describes you, like "No Class Jenny" or "Drunk and Dumb Mike".

8.  Lots of Women Call Themselves Housewives, and they Aren't Even Married.  It's weird because 'wife' is even in the title, but somehow, some women don't seem to catch on...

7.  Who Needs Talent?  All you need to be famous is a naughty little video tape and rich parents!  In fact, after your infamous tape, your whole family can be reality TV stars!  It really is the land where anything is possible...

6.  Teach your boys that life is about more than GTL.  If you don't know what that means, good for you!  You just earned several points in my book.  Unfortunately, I do know what it means.  It's Gym, Tan, Laundry.  Apparently, to lots of young men, this is a productive day.

5.  Getting Married After Three Weeks Isn't A Good Idea.  Imagine if your daughter came home and said she met a hot guy a few weeks ago, and while he was dating her, he was also dating twenty other women.  But now, after lots of drinking, group dates and spending a night in a 'fantasy suite', he's chosen her, so they're getting married.  Nope, doesn't sound good now, huh?

4.  Mob Life Isn't What We Thought.  We all watched movies like The Godfather and GoodFella's and thought that Mob life looked kind of glamorous.  But apparently, being a Mob Wife just means you like to drink, curse and fight.  We have another name for that in the Midwest.  It's called white trash.  (was that over the line?...)

3.  If You Go On A Show Called 'Survivor', You Might Want To Know A Little Bit About Surviving.  At least learn to build a fire.  Surely they had *some* warning that they were going to be on the show...

2.  I Could Never Be A Sister Wife.  I mean, all that help with the kids, cooking, etc. sounds great.  But if 'sister' wants to join my husband in bed, we're gonna have issues.

1.  Pay For College!  If I've learned anything from Reality TV, it's that I don't want my daughter's on it!

Hope you enjoyed Today's Top Tuesday :)  Hop on Over to Many Little Blessings and check out all the other Top Ten's from Today!

Our Crazy Words

The other day Faith was talking to me about one of her friend's great grandmas who had died.

She explained to me that "her friend's great grandma died.  But her other grandma, who's not that great, was still alive."

I was cracking up.  Of course she thought that when the little girl said her "great grandma", she was referring to how awesome she was!

I explained to Faith that it was actually a term we use to explain the grandparents of mommy's and daddy's etc., and not for how wonderful they are. :)

But it got me to thinking about how strange our language must seem to her sometimes. 

How words that mean one thing can also mean something completely different. 

And also how many "new" words she hears all the time.  Like the other day when she asked us what "revenge" meant.

We explained it to her, but then asked her why she wanted to know.

She said a boy in her class had used the word, and that she had never heard it before.

It just reminds me that sometimes I have to stop and put myself into her five-year-old world and remember how much she is learning and hearing and growing.  I bet it's pretty overwhelming at times.

It's my job to help her navigate all of that, and to be patient with her while she does it. 

Let's hope I do my job well...or this could be one confused kid!

The Thin Mint Incident

It's Girl Scout Cookie Time, and almost everyone I know is ordering thin mints...except me.

You see, thin mints and I have a history.

And it has left it's mark on me.  Enough that I will never be able to eat a thin mint again.

It all started when I was about 6 or 7 years old.  My family decided to take a vacation in a mobile home.  It was a long trip and my mom had packed food that was supposed to last for the entire trip.  Among the treats that she packed were boxes of girl scout cookies, but we were told that we weren't allowed to eat them until my mom said.

One afternoon, while my parents were up front driving, my three sisters and I were in the very back of the large mobile home, with the door shut.  My two older sisters, (who were teenagers at that point), decided to ignore my mother's rule and dig into the thin mints.

But because I was that annoying little sister who didn't always do the right thing, but was more than happy to tattle when someone else didn't do the right thing, I placed my chubby little hands on my chubbier little hips and declared that I was going to tell mom that they were eating all the cookies.

Ummm, not a wise decision considering that they were much older and much bigger than I was.

They held me down and literally shoved thin mints into my mouth to keep me quiet.

And as soon as I could get free, I ran to the front of the bus and told my mom, half breathless and half full of cookies, "They're eating all the thin mints!!!".

But instead of believing me and punishing them for disobeying and trying to keep me quiet, she took one look at my cookie covered face and yelled, "Ricki, sit down!  I told you to stay out of those cookies!  Your not allowed to get up off that chair until I say!". 

I was shocked!

What?  How could she not see that they forced those cookies down my mouth?  I started to object and try to explain but my mom wasn't having any of it.  So I sat down and pouted, stewing about the injustice of it all.

And just then my sisters opened the back door and made ugly faces and laughed at me for getting into trouble. 

Boy did that make me mad!  I stuck out my tongue, threw my thumbs in my ears and gave a great big "Grrrrr" back to them.  (Hey, I was a little kid, what else was I supposed to do?).

But at the exact moment I retaliated, my mother happened to turn around in her seat and see me making faces at my sisters.  And of course, I got into more trouble.

So you see, from that day on, I have never been able to eat a thin mint.  They are totally ruined for me.  I think it's some kind of PTSD that I'm dealing with. 

And while I've considered counseling, I've decided samoas are much cheaper :)